Alan Scaia: 12/2/14 North Tarrant Express: America’s Most Chauvinistic Highway

When you spend several hours a day driving around the Metroplex chasing down the news, you start to think all the billboards and signs you pass every day. I do, at least. For instance, I occasionally find myself sitting in traffic on I-35E in Lewisville. Each time, I gaze upon this water tower:

And I think to myself, “That mascot seems to be a relic of a bygone era. If the school were built today, that water tower would probably look like this:”

More invasive, though, is the ad campaign for the new TexPress lanes. If you’re not familiar, “TexPress” is what The Man calls the tolled lanes that are opening up in the middle of the highways on LBJ Freeway and Highway 183 like an HOV lane. You pay extra and you’re guaranteed to maintain an average speed of 50 miles an hour, even during rush hour.

The state doesn’t actually call them “TexPress,” though. The state calls them “Express,” so there aren’t any actual signs on the highway that say “TexPress.” But there are lots of billboards that say “TexPress.”

I have a lot of problems with these billboards.

Take a look at these people:

First of all, why are we only asking if the man got a promotion? Why can’t the women be celebrating a promotion?

In defense of TexPress, the redheaded woman is wearing a ring [It was hard to get a good look from the freeway, but I drove by several times while I should have been working to make sure], so it’s perfectly reasonable to think she had just been proposed to. I suspect, though, that’s not what the consumer is supposed to think.

If we’re going to latch onto stereotypical gender roles, why not take it a step further?

Second, I don’t think the look on these people’s faces is proportional to the level of enjoyment driving on a congestion free highway actually provides. They just look crazy. Would you want to ride in a cab driven by the woman who just dropped off her kids?

The guy who got the promotion looks slightly more reasonable. I’d amend his bio, though.

Listen, TexPress, I don’t mean to attack your misogynistic ad campaign. I’m more than willing to offer some solutions. For instance, if you’re dead set on the marriage theme, you could have a picture of a stern-looking judge brandishing a gavel with the phrase “Get divorced from traffic congestion!”

I know divorce is a touchy subject, though, so you could also use a picture of the pope and write, “Get your evening commute annulled!” The current pope is pretty progressive. I’m sure he’d be cool with it.

I’m also willing to offer my own services to help you combat the notion that TexPress drivers are all man-hungry or career-obsessed psychopaths. I’ll be awaiting your call.